I think it's essential to my role as a clinical psychologist to be highly trained in a range of therapies and to have a comprehensive understanding of the mechanisms of human change processes.

However, one of the most important tools of my trade is 'listening'. Listening can seem like doing nothing compared to giving advice or making suggestions, but I'd argue that listening without an accompanying impulse to 'fix' is a unique and foundational component of effective therapy. Resisting any impulse to fix creates more space in the therapy for my clients to explore their inner worlds; it's what makes therapeutic listening different from everyday chat.

A space that's all about you

I feel privileged to listen to the vulnerable and highly personal information clients share with me. These disclosures are possible in therapy because the focus of attention and listening is in many ways one-way; it is not a reciprocal relationship and is separate from other aspects of a client's life. The therapy space is such a unique forum for self-scrutiny and listening accentuates the potential for that space to be one of self-discovery.

"Listening without an accompanying impulse to 'fix' is a unique and foundational component of effective therapy"

What listening reveals

Listening to accounts of how psychological, behavioural, emotional and relational processes interact with one another in a range of situations, and how these interactions have presented as unique patterns over time, forms part of the technical method of therapy. Examining how these processes are relevant as barriers to the changes the client wants to make is part of the therapeutic task. It is in listening that these processes, interactions and patterns are revealed.

At times listening is guided by the idea that some parts of ourselves can be hidden. 'Therapeutic listening', therefore, is often informed not only by what is being said, but by what remains unsaid. Psychoanalytic theory suggests that the contents of the psyche can often be unconscious, hidden from the self. I have a good example of this which comes to mind.

An example from my work

I had a client some years ago* who was very well organised and proactive in arranging dates of our sessions or negotiating alterations to planned sessions when she needed to. After about six months of working together the client cancelled a session by email saying she would get back to me to arrange a Zoom call for later in the week – which she never did.

At our next meeting the client seemed distracted, and she was talking quickly and excitedly but with a lack of focus. I asked some questions about what had been going on for her in the previous week, and she said that she had felt 'all over the place' and her mind had felt 'chaotic'.

Whilst describing her week she gasped, put her hand to her mouth and said it had been the first anniversary of her mother's death the previous week. She became tearful as she described the death of her mother and the feelings of loss she experienced.

The client's speech slowed. She realised that, although her grief hadn't been immediately accessible to her, she had acted it out through the chaos as a defence against feeling painful emotions.

Such an 'Aha' moment was the beginning of the client realising how such defences around painful aspects of her grief were creating tension and difficulties for her and that the way forward would be to learn to be more with her emotions than avoidant of them.

*Details of this example have been changed to protect confidentiality.

Why therapeutic listening matters

It is in the trained listening and trusted relationship with a psychologist (therapist or counsellor) that an individual finds the space to explore the root of their difficulties. Experiences of increased insight, such as the one above, can often mark the beginning of a process of change. I would argue that without the quality of attentional listening such a process cannot occur or is limited, which is why it is an essential part of my work.

If you think you would benefit from this kind of trained, focused listening, please book an initial consultation, or contact me if you would like more information.